Jack And The Beam Toss

Yesterday I went to the dentist. I needed two fillings. I know two, but it had been about 15 years since I've needed any and figure the average isn't too bad. One was at the back of wisdom tooth on my left side. I know, I still have my wisdom teeth and planned on keeping them until death, that is until yesterday. I had forgotten what a goofy sensation Novocaine is and how you feel like your tongue is going to close off your air passage. He drills, drills, drills, oh this one is deep. It went from the inside of my mouth all the way to the outside of the tooth. Not proud of that, I do brush, I do floss, not as much as I should, I know, I know. But all three other wisdom teeth are fine. So anyway, I finish at the dentist, get my referral to have the wisdom teeth out and head back to work. First hour is fine, then by the time the Novocaine wears off I can feel all of my teeth are screaming at me. All I remember from previous fillings are you go, get the shot, get the filling, mom buys you a milkshake because it is weird to eat anything for a while, then you go home. I was NOT ready for this kind of pain. I took Excedrin, didn't work. That works on migraines and it didn't work. Oh, I knew I was in for it then. Time passed so slowly. I was so hungry I drank whole milk. I don't drink whole milk, it is kind of gross, but it tasted good yesterday. So, by three in the afternoon, I don't care about anything, I'm not calling people back, it hurts to open my mouth, people tell me I look terrible, thanks by the way. I heat up a mug of water and stick the mug to my face. That's right, sitting in the front office as greeter that afternoon, I'm sportin' the mug o water to my face. Don't be jealous. By closing time my boss says, Jack Daniels will do you good. I'm not a drinker per se. I've had things, but maybe one or two drinks a year. My liver is fine, Mom, don't you worry. So, I'm going to get me some liquor. I can honestly say that yesterday was the first time, and let's hope last, I have ever prayed that the Lord would help me remember where I can find the liquor store. Praise Him, he let me to it! I went in and I didn't see signs for whisky, then I remember that it is bourbon. Then I saw that there was rum. I know I like rum, whisky, not so much. So, I go up to pay, holding the side of my face that hurts I ask if rum will work for my tooth the same as whisky. He says no because it is sugar cane based, learn something new everyday. Plus, he's probably thinking, give up the act lady, I'll sell you the rum. I say, I'll be back and go to get the whisky. Now, I look at Jack Daniels, even the small bottles are 20 bucks. I only got out 20 bucks and I wanted to get a milkshake. Still hungry and milk was my friend yesterday. So, I see Jim Beam. It is cheaper. Then I have a very sad inner dialogue. I think, Jack Daniels is better than Jim Beam, I should get the Jack. I hear black label is good, oh, they both have different color labels, but Jack was in a Dave Letterman joke, Dave Letterman likes Jack... I don't even like it, what the heck to I care if it is Jack or Jim. By now I feel like a jack because I am completely the product of my over sold generation. Only the best for me, me and my sore tooth from decay. What the heck! So, I bought the Jim Beam. And you know what it is gross and I had to force myself to drink it. It did work though and I'm very thankful because yesterday was a very very long day. Perhaps the saddest thing is that I wasn't even carded. The sign on the front door said if you look thirty or younger be prepared to show ID. That cut straight to the heart and no amount of whisky will do jack for that.