Time Change

At the end of every year I am amazed at the passage of time from one year to the next. It is this big celebration, a countdown for the last ten seconds and then a hooray of Happy New Year, only to be quite evident that time marches on. No blank slates appear, wrongs from the past year are not automatically righted, and our issues pass the threshold of time right along with us.

I remember those classes in high school were you watched the clock a little more than in some of the other classes. Whether it was a test and you wanted to see how much time was left to finish, or you were just so bored you couldn't possibly believe only ten minutes passed since your last glance at the clock. It was on one of these occasions I realized the difference in time pieces and how some marked the seconds with a staccato stop at each mark and some moved along like a slow continuous whirling dervish. There is no stop in time. Time was started and is off on a roll that none but the Almighty may alter.

Sure, we give ourselves a bit of importance by having a leap day to make up time or changing the hours to give us daylight when we want, but ultimately we are confined to time and that is how it rolls.

The fluid nature of time will certainly not respect the epicness of New Year's Eve celebrations whether Dick Clark, Guy Lombardo, or the now sobered up Germans celebrating with George Washington be present. It is that truth that is comforting and terrifying all the same. Comforting because there is simply nothing within our power to alter it, and terrifying because it is a runaway train we all are hopeless to catch.

Each year I have a hope, a desire for so many things to be different within the span of time known as the year. And yet, there are many occasions that nothing is much different at the end of the year. So many times I'm looking for the circumstances to change, only to realize that whether they change or not, the same person, me, is following them.

And so it is with the passing of 2014 that I find there are very few circumstances changed, and yet the person experiencing them, me again, has changed significantly. You may notice or not notice. And truthfully, I'd be surprised if anyone could notice yet because I'm still learning about what my new normal is.

My new normal is that though I have been a Christian for years, I am learning to love God. I know, let's get spiritual Stacy.  I promise, I'm not a wacko religious nut, one step a way from Tebowing at at the market when I find the perfect avocado. You see, this year has continued me on a journey to see just how precious I am to God. His word is His love letter that I need to read and re-read with that realization again and again.  I am amazed at the feeling of "He said that to me?!" And here is the best thing, I don't have to question His motive because by default, it is pure.

I think it is like Moses being able to see God's shadow, I couldn't possibly process a full on realization of the love of God. From songs, to experiences, to the written Word, it is a layering of Truth and understanding that will last until my dying breath when I will see Him with unveiled face and have the full realization, that should I experience it this side of heaven, would surely leave me catatonic.

Yet, there will be times when like Peter I see him.  I am walking on the water toward Him and then I see the crap load of chaos around me and start to focus on that and sink. Praise him for that hand to pull me up out of the water, whether it be His or that of His children here.

The best part, I don't believe it is any part of myself that makes me worthy or deserving of any of it. The most peaceful thing I have known is that I am not capable of doing anything to earn His favor and better yet, am not capable of doing anything to lose His favor. What? totally accepted despite performance, attitude, success, accomplishment, style, hair, makeup, ability, ....Yes! Completely without ability within myself to be any more or less than loved with His perfect love.

And the awesome thing is that it goes for you as well. I have met my share of people that drive me nuts. Jerk?, I am too. Hypocrite?, right here. Sinner?, present....what are you? So am I. This truthful assessment has helped me in wanting to minister in my imperfect state, the perfect love of God.

I have had the opportunity to give time and money to the Salvation Army, international giving organizations, my church, my family, and my work. And yet, there are times when I get prideful in giving to organizations or I miss the closer to home opportunities with family and friends. And here is the question I have been asked by the Spirit, "What do you have that was not given to you?" "When have you acted selfishly toward your family and friends?" And He says, what I have given, share, and what I have forgiven, forgive. Oh the daily practice of this that ends in failure all to often, and yet, when I obey, the blessings are multiplied.

There is too much to sum up a year of Truth from God in this post, but I am so excited that this year a new year has dawned, that the passing of one is not much noticeable, and that the unchangeable God is able to change me. For so long I have been believing that He is able to change anything and everything, and yet, wanting Him to change everything else but me. Now I am realizing that to allow Him to change me is the only change in which I have any control. My prayer is that whatever comes with the passing of time, I stay close to the one who transcends time, waiting for the "hour" when I will not have to mark time, either by staccato, or fluid motion.

© 2014 Stacy Rapp