Time Change

At the end of every year I am amazed at the passage of time from one year to the next. It is this big celebration, a countdown for the last ten seconds and then a hooray of Happy New Year, only to be quite evident that time marches on. No blank slates appear, wrongs from the past year are not automatically righted, and our issues pass the threshold of time right along with us.

I remember those classes in high school were you watched the clock a little more than in some of the other classes. Whether it was a test and you wanted to see how much time was left to finish, or you were just so bored you couldn't possibly believe only ten minutes passed since your last glance at the clock. It was on one of these occasions I realized the difference in time pieces and how some marked the seconds with a staccato stop at each mark and some moved along like a slow continuous whirling dervish. There is no stop in time. Time was started and is off on a roll that none but the Almighty may alter.

Sure, we give ourselves a bit of importance by having a leap day to make up time or changing the hours to give us daylight when we want, but ultimately we are confined to time and that is how it rolls.

The fluid nature of time will certainly not respect the epicness of New Year's Eve celebrations whether Dick Clark, Guy Lombardo, or the now sobered up Germans celebrating with George Washington be present. It is that truth that is comforting and terrifying all the same. Comforting because there is simply nothing within our power to alter it, and terrifying because it is a runaway train we all are hopeless to catch.

Each year I have a hope, a desire for so many things to be different within the span of time known as the year. And yet, there are many occasions that nothing is much different at the end of the year. So many times I'm looking for the circumstances to change, only to realize that whether they change or not, the same person, me, is following them.

And so it is with the passing of 2014 that I find there are very few circumstances changed, and yet the person experiencing them, me again, has changed significantly. You may notice or not notice. And truthfully, I'd be surprised if anyone could notice yet because I'm still learning about what my new normal is.

My new normal is that though I have been a Christian for years, I am learning to love God. I know, let's get spiritual Stacy.  I promise, I'm not a wacko religious nut, one step a way from Tebowing at at the market when I find the perfect avocado. You see, this year has continued me on a journey to see just how precious I am to God. His word is His love letter that I need to read and re-read with that realization again and again.  I am amazed at the feeling of "He said that to me?!" And here is the best thing, I don't have to question His motive because by default, it is pure.

I think it is like Moses being able to see God's shadow, I couldn't possibly process a full on realization of the love of God. From songs, to experiences, to the written Word, it is a layering of Truth and understanding that will last until my dying breath when I will see Him with unveiled face and have the full realization, that should I experience it this side of heaven, would surely leave me catatonic.

Yet, there will be times when like Peter I see him.  I am walking on the water toward Him and then I see the crap load of chaos around me and start to focus on that and sink. Praise him for that hand to pull me up out of the water, whether it be His or that of His children here.

The best part, I don't believe it is any part of myself that makes me worthy or deserving of any of it. The most peaceful thing I have known is that I am not capable of doing anything to earn His favor and better yet, am not capable of doing anything to lose His favor. What? totally accepted despite performance, attitude, success, accomplishment, style, hair, makeup, ability, ....Yes! Completely without ability within myself to be any more or less than loved with His perfect love.

And the awesome thing is that it goes for you as well. I have met my share of people that drive me nuts. Jerk?, I am too. Hypocrite?, right here. Sinner?, present....what are you? So am I. This truthful assessment has helped me in wanting to minister in my imperfect state, the perfect love of God.

I have had the opportunity to give time and money to the Salvation Army, international giving organizations, my church, my family, and my work. And yet, there are times when I get prideful in giving to organizations or I miss the closer to home opportunities with family and friends. And here is the question I have been asked by the Spirit, "What do you have that was not given to you?" "When have you acted selfishly toward your family and friends?" And He says, what I have given, share, and what I have forgiven, forgive. Oh the daily practice of this that ends in failure all to often, and yet, when I obey, the blessings are multiplied.

There is too much to sum up a year of Truth from God in this post, but I am so excited that this year a new year has dawned, that the passing of one is not much noticeable, and that the unchangeable God is able to change me. For so long I have been believing that He is able to change anything and everything, and yet, wanting Him to change everything else but me. Now I am realizing that to allow Him to change me is the only change in which I have any control. My prayer is that whatever comes with the passing of time, I stay close to the one who transcends time, waiting for the "hour" when I will not have to mark time, either by staccato, or fluid motion.

© 2014 Stacy Rapp

Sacrifice of Praise

The meal has been cooked, the food has been eaten, the dishes are done, and I am very tired.  I wanted to write a bit about Thanksgiving and something I saw on Twitter today.  Twitter has really become a spot for advertising to continue round the clock.  I saw a quick video for someone promoting their Christmas movie.  They started by stating that this is a time to be happy, not grumpy, and that we should all watch their movie.  I don't really care about the movie, I'm not terribly offended for being sold to on Thanksgiving, I'm more disturbed with the notion that Thanksgiving and the act of giving thanks is often equated with happiness.

Can we be happy and thankful? Absolutely.  Is it a requirement? No.  Thankfulness and happiness are not mutually inclusive.  I've been thinking a lot today about people who have struggled with so much in the last year, in the last months, weeks, days.  Life does not take a holiday for holidays.  People still have struggles, people need to go to the hospital, relationships remain broken, needs remain unmet.  Loss can be so in the forefront of our lives, and yet, we give thanks.

I have been thinking about the European settlers and the "First Thanksgiving".  Half of the people who started out the journey were dead by the time the celebration happened.  Half! Look at the person next to you, they would be gone and you would be celebrating a feast of thankfulness without them.  Those present to celebrate were as every bit unsure of the future as they had been the year prior, probably looking around wondering if they'd all make it to the next year.  I don't know how "happy" the first Thanksgiving really was! Yes, I'll be spreading cheer during the Christmas season as well...you're welcome.

My point is not to be depressing.  It truly isn't.  My hope is to be in some way encouraging to those who may not find themselves happy this Thanksgiving.  To those who feel like they don't know how they made it through the last year, to those who may not have much hope for things to be different in the year to come, I say, give thanks in whatever emotion you find yourself at this moment.  Thankfulness is not an absence of loss or sorrow or trouble.  Thankfulness is a discipline and can happen simultaneously with gut wrenching, heart felt pleadings to God for our situations to be different, for health to be restored, or for understanding and healing in relationships.

Hebrews 13:15-16
¹⁵ Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. ¹⁶ And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

There is a cost to sacrifice.  Something must die.  In the old testament, it was an animal, in the New Testament, it was Jesus Himself, the ultimate sacrifice.  In the sacrifice of praise, it is symbolically, ourselves.  To praise, to thank, we need to humble ourselves to the point we can say thank you.  We need to acknowledge we needed something, to acknowledge we received something we could not attain ourselves.  Or we need to be humble enough to say thank you even for the unfulfilled dreams or for losses.  I'm not always happy when I am humbled.  I'm usually happy when I get what I want.  I'll say thank you all day when I get what I want.  But when nothing seems to be going well, and everything you don't want seems to be showing up at your door, will you say thank you?  Will you sacrifice your desires, your anger, your sorrow even, and say thank you? 

What I want my struggling friends to get from this ridiculous Stacy post, is that it is okay if you don't have a Happy Thanksgiving...as long you have a Thanksgiving.  You don't have to clean up for this holiday, you don't have to put on the happy face pretending that you wouldn't change a thing in your life.  You don't need to complain or bemoan your existence either, I'm not advocating that.  I'm saying it is okay to honestly thank God while crying honest tears.  He already knows what is beneath the surface, don't pretend you are happy when you are not.  God is good all the time, the times are not always good.  In your own sacrifice of praise, you will be blessed for the obedience.   

Happy (or not) Thanksgiving to all!  

© 2014 Stacy Rapp

God's Not Dead Review

Six months plus after the release of God's Not Dead and I have finally had the chance to see it.  I have to say that I did not have high hopes for liking the film.  I heard much the same as I heard before I saw Fireproof or Courageous.  You know things such as, "For a christian film, it's really good."  Whenever I hear that qualifying statement that the encapsulation of story, characterization, acting, and production quality is good for a Christian movie, I just cringe.  I translate it as, well, it's still not going to be good, but it's not as bad as most of the ones you have seen already.

Great then! Let's watch it! So I did.  I wrote the following notes on my phone: Merger(pronunciation), Mina and the old lady are not believable as family, the premise itself would never happen - at least not without protest, reporter is cliche', parked in front of a handicap space, church scene in time of trial/hardship - cliche', pastor looks shady, forced the scene of the kid going into the sister's room(poltergeistesque), breakup scene is insane, car scene, glad they showed the Muslim father in sorrow also, sister is not believable and the relationship with the professor is forced, Dean Cane is one dimensional, what man says "freshen up".

I never thought God was dead, but I do believe that the integrity of Christian based story telling is.  To be fair, maybe not dead, but definitely in critical condition.  This film just isn't good.  I didn't want to have to come to that conclusion, but it is the only one I have.  The premise itself is not believable.  The purpose of a philosophy class is to discuss the questions such as the purpose of life, how we got here, the nature of the universe, etc.  While there are some really jerky, condescending, intellectually snobbish professors, part of their job is to discuss with students the questions they have about this world.  No chemistry professor would ban the periodic table from discussion.  This question of intelligent design, metaphysical vs. physical, etc. are the elements that make up the periodic table of philosophy.  The premise is forced.  If the character of the professor were a real person, he wouldn't be teaching in any institution of higher learning worthy of charging a dollar for tuition.

Throughout the entire film the characterization is weak and one dimensional.  The main character is good, the girlfriend is selfish, the pastor is struggling to find purpose, the reporter is jaded, the businessman is a jerk, the professor is condescending and angry.  We get it! But what of the character arc for each actor.  Evey scene, forced relationship, plot twist, and piece of dialogue was only there to get us to the end of the movie, which surprise, ends in the "put that in your pipe and smoke it" ending where every question ever raised against the Christian belief is somehow answered, and everyone's eyes are opened.  Praise be! The blind will see.  All this done while a montage, complete with a very long and unnecessary music video that justifies the presence of the Newsboys as headliners, plays out to wrap things up. Perhaps what can best summarize the characterization failings is that I only found the car rental guy to be believable as  person I would meet in real life.  He is in two or three scenes and was a refreshing presence.   In the breakup scene in which the reporter tells the jerky businessman she has cancer, he gets mad because he just told her he made partner, and breaks up with her at the table.  All the people I was watching the movie with laughed because even though there are people that are selfish, and would break up with someone when they are sick, it most often would not be done that quickly.  No, beat, no inward struggle, no dialogue to pull it out, just well this is great, sorry you are sick, but I'm awesome and you are killing my mojo! For the sake of moving the story along, the writers chose to condense this to one scene and make it awkward to the point of being funny.  Whenever you laugh at horrible news you know there is a massive disconnect. 

This brings me to the execution of the characterization.  Acting with an agenda in mind is most often, if not always, detrimental to the art of acting.  Even people who play evil characters need to find some sort of reason to make them say their lines and do what they do.  The actor needs to understand the character.  When you can tell the characters who are meant to be evil are still being played by actors that want to help prove the point of the entire film instead of portray a character honestly, the whole thing will crumble like Milli Vanilli in a power outage.  Even in Christian films the women's characters are given to beautiful women with less than stellar acting chops.  Stop this! Watch British films, real actors, some gorgeous, some not, play characters that are believable.  Hire good actors! And more that that, give the good actors, good lines and storylines.

The writers, producers, directors, actors, anyone who read the screenplay, saw the dailies, delivered food to the set, there are so many places this film could have been salvaged.  Why are you wasting time with the Newsboys when you have characters to develop?  Stop the save the world with one movie mentality.  Make a really great movie about good characterization, acted out in a believable manner.  Real everyday struggles and how we deal with them.  Difficulties that don't always go away even when you believe in Jesus, these are the types of things that will get people to pay attention.  And the reason is because we can believe that kind of story.  We don't need to see the world's problems solved and wrapped up in a bow by the end of the film.  When we want that, we'll go watch Full House. 

People are by nature and design very complicated. If we want Christians and non Christians alike to relate to the movies we want them to see, we need to be real!
So, put that in your pipe and smoke it, or don't.  But for the love of all, if you do, please portray it honestly and with integrity of storytelling. 

Delayed Response

While I understand that fundamentalist Christians can sometimes speak truth with all the grace of an atomic bomb, I do not understand the anger at a belief founded in centuries old traditions, whose tenants are well known.  It is understood that most Christians will interpret the bible certain ways.  To say these are all right is not the issue.  Right is right outside of anyone who believes it or disagrees with it.  Truth is truth, whether treated like a lie or not and conversely, lies do not become true just because you believe it. 

The issue is that if we are to have freedom to believe something is wrong and another has the freedom to believe something is right, can’t we understand that the context, settings, and audience of the conversations will evoke a certain response. 

Being angry that many Christians believe a certain way about biblical principles is like serving lobster bisque and pork chops at a Jewish wedding and wondering why the guests might be upset.  Though a few may not have an issue with it, most would.     

To be angry that a historically bible based service organization strayed from the common understandings of biblical interpretations is a natural response founded in logic.  People sign up to support an organization that aligns with their beliefs.  When the organization makes changes to a policy and no longer agrees with the original understanding, they have broken trust, and changed the agreement.   

Now, to those who thought this decision was a good one, and were excited and encouraged about it, I feel sorry that you were yanked around a bit this week.  I would like to say, that the people on the opposite side, feel the same way.  The biggest tragedy of World Vision’s statements this last week is that no one can trust the organization now.  If you believe in something, stand for it and own it. 

Praying, Obeying, Seeing

Today I watched a young man with a heavy heart wait for his tax meeting. Moments before, my boss told me his mother was battling cancer and taking a turn for the worse. While he told me of that, he showed me a post it note with the names of about six people he prays for, all who have cancer. The list would be longer, but some have passed away.

Tonight I went to a prayer meeting and the list of requests had many battling cancer. One woman with small children, some with oral cancers, some with bone cancers, everywhere I looked I saw the word cancer. There were other requests, but each one was important to the person going through the issue and each person praying for a favorable outcome.

And why can't it be a good outcome? Why can't we pray for people to be healed of cancer, or for that program to be a success, the baby to be a boy, the dream job to be realized, etc. and know that whatever we ask will be given?

I know enough to know that anything I think is a disagreement in the Bible has to do with my understanding of it, and not the Bible itself. Some point to verses saying that whatever you ask in my name will be done, and so we say "in Jesus name amen"so as to ensure we get our request. Not just once, by using His name, but twice, by saying amen, or so be it. I have done this countless times and yet many things I have asked for have not been granted, or things I wish were different were not taken away. I reduce the creator of the universe to a politician that can be lobbied and bought with flattery or to a fairy to be appeased by saying a magic phrase, and then I get my prize or my wish.

Some put the burden of answered prayer to the amount of faith of the one doing the praying.  Isn't that misplaced hope.  Isn't our hope to be in the One to whom we pray and not in the words we use, the amount of time we take, or in how "good" we've been leading up to the prayer.  Don't we often act like children quickly cleaning up the room, doing the dishes, studying a little longer so that the request we give our Father can only be answered with yes.  Stacking the deck doesn't work with God and yet we can sometimes get this notion from our spiritual leaders, if not expressly said, than in all other ways implied.  Your sin is keeping you from your answered prayer, your inaction is keeping you from your answered prayer.  So, we get right, we take action, and our prayer is still unanswered.

Or is it?  No, is an answer.  I know people say, God answers with a yes, a no, and a maybe, or wait.  In the moment though, don't we really just need a yes or no.  And when no happens, we shake the magic 8 ball again and ask again, knowing that the odds are that eventually, you hit jackpot.  But each time before the payout, the answer was no.

God is not a machine to be watched, a game of chance to be wagered, or someone who can be annoyed into giving us something just so we shut up.  But the story of the the unjust judge, he came to the door so the woman would leave.  Right, he did.  And God is always at the door hoping we come by to spend time with Him.  The table is set, the drink is poured, and the fire is roaring, just waiting for us to visit with Him.  We can ask for soda, but maybe He is only serving wine.  We will be fed and given drink, and that need will be met, but not always how we want it to be done.  And that is where my expectation can fly in the face of His provision.  I say you didn't answer my prayer.  He says, yes I did, you just didn't want the answer I had to give you.  

It is easy to think, why am I praying if nothing is happening, my answer is no, there is not a difference in my life.  Pray because we are commanded to.  Pray because it is more about communicating with the Creator of all life than it is about what I /you want.  Pray because in the most gut wrenching moments of anger, and tears, and disappointment, the sweet, unexplainable peace of God can fill every gaping wound.  Tears will still flow, your heart will still ache, but He holds it all and you begin to realize, some of those tears are His.  He enters it with us.  There is no distance between what is happening to me, and what He is feeling.  What an amazing God, I wish I could see Him in the no's more often.  Regardless of my ability to see Him in those times,  He is always the God who sees me. 

Equator Bound

In September I will be a part of a team going to Kenya to live life for a few days with the workers and children at an orphanage there.  I am sure there are things that I will experience that no picture or story from another person could prepare me enough not to be completely overwhelmed by the experience.  I am very much looking forward to it.  God has worked to bring about the opportunity, and I am loving watching Him work already.

The other day I went to the globe in the front office and spun it around to Kenya, I wanted to look at it, think about it, take it in.  I was annoyed because the line of the equator on this globe is so big it covers names of countries and cities.  Then it hit me.  This country is on the equator! How did I miss that, why did I sign up for this, and who can I commission to make air conditioned clothing happen?

Clearly hyperbole rises again, but I didn't know it was an equatorial nation.  I am amazed again at the change only the Spirit of God can bring about in a person.  Never have I ever wanted to go near the equator...until now.  God has been preparing me not just since I've decided to go, but before then.  Whether it is having VBS be on the hottest days of the year or getting healthy so that I am able to handle heat better, all of it is working together.  He is the champion tetris player.  I am one piece, and He is making my piece fit with what He is doing over there, and that is so unbelievably awesome.  Not way cool awesome, awe inspiring - awesome. 

God will provide

I have the privilege to be the contact person for my church's ministry with the Salvation Army donations.  We don't always have things to drop off every week, and I have to admit, I use to be annoyed that we couldn't have something every week to give people in need.  To be honest, I am a slow learner and I will probably be annoyed again, but God is at work and he is teaching me, He allows me to be blessed through this ministry, and I am learning that He always accomplishes His will through those who are willing to do His work.

Sunday I started to leave church and realized I hadn't picked up the donations.  I went back in and was handed a bag of travel sized deodorants.  I took them, thinking what a great idea that was and was hoping they would be needed.  I wished there was some kind of food that we could have given thinking that was the biggest need for them.  But, you get what you get, so I took them, put them in my car and left them there for Monday after work delivery.

Monday was gorgeous and I was hoping to go outside for a walk, but I had to leave work early due to an appointment and then thought I'd continue down to the Salvation Army and drop off the donations.  I rang the doorbell, it was the beginning of the Star Spangled Banner, to which I had to sing the rest of it while waiting in the entryway for someone to come and answer the door.  They are not always quick to answer the door, mostly because they are busy, but sometimes I think they don't hear it.  I opened the door to the outside to get some air, thought about coming back next week...thought to myself (the Spirit directing) there is no reason to be in a rush, you have all night, and things you planned can start anytime.  So I pushed the doorbell again, sang again and one of the residents said they would get a worker to open the door.

The door opens and I am greeted by one of the calmest, kindest persons I have ever met.  I handed her the bag of deodorants and without the slightest hint of surprise she told me that she was so thankful because they had just stocked the shelves and deodorant was the one thing they needed.  It was a bit strange to see someone explain such a God thing with such normal tone and expression.  My guess is she has seen it many times over, and I have a hunch that if I were truly looking for it, I'd see it much more often too.

She asked what church I was from and told her, and she was so thankful for the ministry our church has given to the people who find themselves in need of help for housing, food, and clothing.  Once a month the women's group makes dinner and serves it for them.  It has become a bit of a local buzz, that you don't want to miss that meal.  Amy and Friends is what they have come to be known as and I would say that is a very accurate description.  Sitting with people you may not otherwise run into during the course of your day, making them feel special with a meal you would eat yourself, asking questions, and listening, who doesn't want that?

I left there again, humbled to have been a small part of the blessings God is pouring out to these people. They may not know Him, but I am not called to minister to Christians only.  A neighbor is a neighbor and I am to show them the love of Christ through my obedience to Him.  It doesn't matter what I wish I could do, you give what you have, you do what you can, and God takes it and multiplies it, and He provides what He provides in His timing, and in His way, even when you can't see how in blazes it will work out.

Oh if I could learn this and cross it off the life lesson list and really get it.  Being human I will learn this again, and again, and again.  The experience from Monday is an ebenezer of  sorts, so I will have to revisit it when I see no way of the provision happening in my life.  I need to remember His faithfulness, and trust Him, not my ability to play tetris with my life.  He can see all the shapes, so why not let Him fit them together?

Genesis 22
¹³ Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram^[a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. ¹⁴ So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”