The Suffering of Comparison

The statement has been made and the quote has often been repeated, "Comparison is the thief of joy."
I did some digging, the quote is attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, some say Christian writer, Dwight Edwards could also have been the originator.  At least the author of the blog, www.dadislearning seems to think so.  Regardless of the origins of the thought, I will say it is a good one.

I won't just say it is a good thought, I will say it is true.  Sometimes people say things that sound good, but on further consideration are really just misplaced balloons of hope that will eventually leave you deflated and confused.  If anything I wonder if the quote goes far enough.  Perhaps the issue is not within the quote as much as the application of it.

Every time I've heard someone say comparison is the thief of joy, it has been in the context of either a material possession or a position or status, such as a job or a GPA.    Now, to be disappointed your car is five years old when someone's is six months old, sure, don't let the age of your car rob you of the joy of getting where you need to go.

Or you graduated cum laud and the rival you've had for four years is magna cum laud.  Again, you completed an education with honors, don't focus on the "shortcoming" of missing out on magna.  These are good things to remember.

Okay, so everyone seems to be fine with that application.  Then we go to physical appearance.  Everyone is judged on physical appearances every day.  Before we know we have bodies we are gathering cues on how people react to us based on the ones we occupy.  We are born into comparison.  And yet, we inevitably reach the age when an older, wiser person will tell us that we are unique and we should not compare our stature, weight, chest, legs, rear, or anything else with anyone else's because we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  And so we march off with that beautiful Truth and feel victorious for five seconds until that same person tells us to look at someone who is even more so the embodiment of the thing we like the least about ourselves...

We are left wondering what to do with that.  The admonition to not compare ourselves with others seems to only work from the bottom up and not the top down.  Isn't this intrinsically flawed and so far off the mark as to what this idea is to point us to; which is contentment for what we have and who we are? I didn't catch on to this until I was in my mid twenties.

In being a Christian woman, many things are slowed down from how the world lives, but the opposite is often sped up.  What I mean is I was not encouraged to date at a young age, but I was questioned at a young age why I wasn't married.  The pressure in the church to marry young is real people, real.  At twenty-five I was questioned about why I wasn't married, if I wanted to get married, if I wanted kids, if I knew it would be best to start to have kids by age thirty, and I should be married for at least two years before that would happen to have some alone time and... and... and. All the while still being told to hold onto the idea that the man is to lead.  So, I'm supposed to not date young, marry young, not be the initiator, but then why aren't you married? Got it, makes sense. 

Then the age of thirty began to creep up rather quickly which was a blessing and a curse.  I say that because up to this point in my life I bought the lie that was never verbalized, but every day implied by myriad of people that Dean Martin was indeed correct, and you are "...nobody until somebody loves you."  It was a blessing in that the day after turning thirty, the questions stop.  Yes, that is right, you are now officially a lost cause and will never be given the courtesy of being an option for marriage to anyone.  Unless of course that person is socially feral or twenty years older than you are.  Forget anyone your own age or heaven forbid the horror - younger! 

Prior to this, I learned the difficult way, that comparison is crap.  From December of 2005 to July of 2006, three of my closest girlfriends got married.  Now listen, I am thrilled for them.  Their husbands are for each one of them.  I in no way am jealous of them for the person they married, but I wanted to be married also.  And up til then, I had learned to soothe my fears of being single forever with, "Well at least so and so is still single and they are awesome!"  So when three awesome people get married and you are the one left, well, it makes you feel not so awesome.

And that is when I realized, comparison in any way is absolute foolishness.  Any comparison of up, down, lateral - all of it is a moving target.  When someone else's circumstances change and yours don't, it seems as if they do.  Because instead of fixing our eyes on Jesus, we are trained from an early age to fix our eyes on the person who is worse off or in the same boat.  Peter got out of the boat and fixed his eyes on Jesus, when he looked away and saw all the chaos going on laterally he started sinking.

Please stop modeling the dysfunctional and wrong theology of commiserating comparison.  You are not alone, but it isn't because someone has the same struggle as you do, it is because Jesus came in human form to be Emmanuel - God with us (Matt. 1:23).  Let that be the consolation, the joy, the victorious attitude we leave with people worrying about how they stack up compared to others.  The world will always offer us comparison, we as believers need to put that rubbish away, and give in its place the unwavering Truth of God's beautiful and always faithful plan to bring us to Himself.  We may absolutely despise many parts of that plan, but in the surrender to Him in the midst of whatever we are "lacking" we can find hope that He is in no way slow in giving us what we need to know Him more (2 Peter 3:8-9).  And shouldn't that be the thing we want our children and young people to know?

Stacy Rapp © 2018

The Power of Prayer and the Weight of Practice

I have been thinking about prayer a lot lately.  I've been thinking about it for many years really, but I've been able to recently put into thought what I've been feeling.

Prayer is a blessing, a command, an invitation, a burden, a joy, a never ending process.  We have the ability and privilege of speaking to the God of all things.  The person who spoke light into being has asked us to meet with Him in prayer.

I know the one to whom we pray is mighty, is able, is listening.  I  know the one to whom we pray is loving, wants to give us good things, and waits for us to ask so that He may bless us.  I also know the One to whom we pray is not in any way obligated to grant me my request.

We are to pray believing He will give us what we ask for when we ask in Jesus name.  Is that why we say "In Jesus name amen" as if to say no punch backs? We are given acronyms of ACTS to adore, confess, thank, and supplication or ask.  Is this the formula that God rewards?  Do we adore him to butter Him up, confess so he hears us and listens, thank him as one final smooth over, and then drop the line we've been bursting to say since moment one? What games do we play and why?

Prayer is something that is alive, prayer is a conversation with my creator.  Am I going to surprise Him? Am I going to find the perfect method or order to always receive my requests.  I pray, I pray all the time, every day, with expectation.  Those expectations are many times left unmet.

In the waiting, I have been told to take action, to modify the prayer for a simpler request, to believe it will happen because it is a desire He gave me. 

I have a friend who is a fierce prayer warrior.  Her faith that her prayers will be answered is an encouragement to me.  When she says she will pray for me, I believe her.  I not only believe her, I believe she will pray with a fervent, invested, hopeful prayer.  She hopes with me.  She empathizes with me in prayer.  She has shed tears for me, with me, showing me, it matters to her personally.  This is all a gift.  When the request is yet unmet, what does that mean?

It means He understands.  It means, he's given me people to walk with me, to watch and pray.  It means He catches the tears because every one is precious.  It means obedience is often the blessing.  It means, He is still good, and that the withholding of what I want is the most loving thing He can do at the moment.  It means the confusing part of living out this faith is to be expected.

Pray on, believing He is good and His glory will be made known throughout the nations and in your own life.  He sees you.



Stacy Rapp © 2018